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Have Divorce Rates Gone Up in Covid?

One newspaper says quarantine has caused more couples to seperate and another saying it has brought couples closer together. Recent polls don't clearly tell us how divorce rates look, but they do show some troubling, yet not surprising, data.

The truth is regardless of statistics, what your experience is, what my experience is, is totally ours and independent of a county, city, state or even global divorce rate. If you're like most couples you have experienced new areas of conflict or stress in your marriage. Maybe you're conflict is around new things like education for kids, money, or personal space whereas before it was about in-laws, changing jobs or your sex life. Most couples are indicating whether they are closer or more less close, this is the case - new problems.

Typically, people wait approximately 6 years before reaching out for professional counseling or therapy when they're experiencing relational problems. When this happens, as a therapist, it can feel like I'm an interior decorating being called in to select artwork for a house that is on fire. That's not always the case, but I think the metaphor is an important one. If your house was actually on fire how long would it take you to call 911? If you found a lump in your breast or in your prostate, how long before you make a doctor's appointment? And yet, week turns into months turns into years of the most important relationship in your life not working like it should - like you want it to - in a healthy way...and you wait. You hope. But, nothing changes.

There are a lot of things you can do that are cheaper than therapy. Read through Gottman's book together. Go to a church marriage group (Reengage or Prepare and Enrich). Ultimately though, and this has been true in my own pursuit of emotional healing and relational wellness - you get what you pay for. Little problems, small solutions. Big problems, big solutions. If you find yourself continually butting up against the same problems, having the same arguments, generally irritated, not sure you even like your partner, unsure why you're angry all the time...It's probably time to get some unbiased, third party, professional help navigating your way.

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